There is so much beauty in autumn. It gifts us, day by day, with the enchantment of the natural process of fading away. I take it in in the morning, when I’m still watching from the room as the sun emerges from behind the hills. And then throughout every corner of our “farm on the edge of town,” doing what the moment offers. Among the fruit trees, as I prepare them for rest and for the awakening of next spring. I am with this enchantment in the vineyard, harvesting its last gifts. I am with it in the forest, searching for fallen trees and broken branches, gathering them so they may give warmth in the years to come. I am with it in the vegetable garden, to harvest its last produce, to prepare for its spring renewal, and to create new beds. I am with it setting in order what needs to be set in order around an old house. And I am with it, observing where the sun’s rays still reach and where they do not, what and where it is worth planting in the coming period—where the plastic tunnels should go, the winter greenhouse, listening to what the garden whispers. So much potential, and so many tasks.
The mind would urge me to hurry, since the world is changing rapidly. The defensive bastions must be built. But nature wisely follows its own rhythm, teaching us that everything has its time under the sun. I cannot do things faster, nor can I do more. It is impossible to make up for many long years of absence in such a short time. To build here again the self-supporting way of life we left behind, so that we might be prepared for the change that is still to come. I have one certainty: I have done, and I am doing, everything I am capable of. There are no gaps, no excuses. Between the certainty of very active patience and the pressure of urgency there is only a difference in perspective. What I rely on is up to me. But I always experience the consequence of that decision. In one, the peace of acceptance awaits; in the other, the tension of resistance.
We returned home into this very strange, altered reality. We decided so ourselves. Clearly, without doubts, entrusting our lives to an inner guidance. We knew it would not be easy, and that the full reorganization ahead would have Europe as its most intense stage. Still, this is how we decided.
This brings to mind what a dear friend close to our hearts said nearly twenty years ago. He had been gifted with a glimpse into a reality not unfolding in the present moment. He looked at us and said: Europe will be in great trouble, but you will be given the grace not to have to take part in it, because you will move very far away. A few years later, we did leave the country, and in fact we could hardly have gone farther. Then, more than a decade later, the other part of that vision also came true, as something very radical and planned began to unfold here in historic Europe.
Yes, we had the opportunity to stay out of this, here and now. But our fate, in possession of the experiences we had gained, rearranged itself. This raises a very interesting question: is free will truly free? This decision was suggested by so many layered moments. It was shown by a reality born from countless conditions. And yet, we also had the chance to follow the mind and logic and remain in what seemed safer. I feel that the real decision was not whether we stay or come home, but rather what we accept as authentic guidance: the realm of the mind, or the realm of the Unnameable. However we decide, there are consequences. We decided to entrust these consequences to the Unnameable. So free will is not free from consequences either—only their source is different. Of course, we can say that everything is just an experience. That is true. And yet, I feel it viscerally, and at times I have lived it: if we do not follow the inner calling, it can be brutally difficult.
So here we are now. With all its challenges, the difficulties of reintegration, all its heart-warming treasures, facing a sea of unforeseeable consequences. And in the meantime, gratefully and in awe, we explore the long-unexperienced uniqueness of the European autumn.
With love,
Your traveling companion
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