We get so caught up in our ideas about ourselves, others, and the world that we slowly forget completely what our original purpose was for being here.
I am so grateful to cocoa for reminding me. These recalled, once-existing certainties are emerging from deeper and deeper. This is different, unique and unrepeatable for everyone. What I am writing now belongs to this emergence of consciousness, and has no other loving intention than to share its importance and thus support individual realization.
It is difficult to put into words a small satori experience. It is a very deep scratch in the space of the soul that now lives in the physical. When you really realize that your whole life you have gone against what you were given as a gift, and you agreed with it much earlier, it is poignantly painful, but also joyfully liberating. There is nothing special at that time. My job is not to fit in, but to completely turn towards what I was given. Because if we live what we were born for, then that is the greatest honor and recognition, towards where this gift comes from. You can live well and you can abuse it. I do not have to satisfy the needs, but to do what my soul desires. The mind is not the creator of this, but the means of its manifestation in this world. If I am complete in my own space, so that others can find it - if it is important to them - then I am living what my existence here was created for. This reading of this consciousness is "Thy will be done". There should be no expectation at all in this, which is by the way the greatest bloodline "inheritance" in the weaving of patterns.
This does not mean that there is no consideration for others. I love people, but in many cases I do not agree with what their consciousness records as a common consensus. So the recognition of the needs of others exists, but it does not act out of conformity or compromise, but only out of inner conviction. If another's desire or need is fulfilled, it is because in acceptance it becomes my own. There is no conformity in this, only pure, permissive experience. This goes far beyond importance, respect, and I do not think I will ever understand this. I did not function very well in this area. With this, I do not deny what happened, not at all. I am grateful that all the actors in my reality showed it for so long and did not give up. There are no losers here, only the possibility of realizations for everyone who has been a part of this. Yes, there has been a lot of distancing lately, but that is okay. This is the consequence. My lack of purpose has hurt others and probably will until this new one rewrites everything that has worked as fuel so far. I sincerely regret all this, but I see it as healing, it was the only way I could function within them. It was not enough to guess where my walls were, I had to bump into them to experience their certainty. I am only just tasting this form of existence that I have not experienced, since the law of inertia cannot be circumvented. But the virtue of patience is tolerant of expectations. No matter what happens, my loyalty to it has already been validated.
I am grateful to this therapeutic plant for helping to make the membrane of my heart and mind more sensitive, so that I can recognize what is important. It is gentle even when, like a naughty child, I follow my own misconceptions, and allows the I Am to recognize more of itself in this physical capsule at my own pace.
I sincerely wish that you discover your own deepest truth, for you yourself are the keeper of your memories.
With love, Zoltan
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